I just finished reading about Peter who wanted to walk on water with Jesus. He saw his master doing it. He believed and wanted more so he asked to come out on the water. As he was out there, a strong wind came and scared Peter, and he began to sink. Jesus admonished him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Everything within Peter should have known Jesus would have come through. He should have been able to trust Jesus. After all, he had been an eyewitness to all the miracles that Jesus had been performing. Why did he doubt?
I feel like Peter right now. I have seen Jesus do incredible things, both in my life and in the lives of others. I trusted him enough to step out on the water...only now I feel myself sinking for not having enough faith. My only encouragement is that this is only one of Peter's indiscretions, and yet God used him in incredible ways throughout the bible. Perhaps, even this story is to provide hope for those whose faith is flagging. Reach out your hand to trust in Jesus again.
I'm not sure why I feel this way right now, only that I do...and I don't like it. I want to have the faith that can move mountains, that can believe anything is possible. In church on Sunday, we sang a song that went, "I called, you answered...you rescued me." I remember thinking, what about the times he didn't? Lately, I have felt that I have prayed with trepidation about the big things in life. "God, please don't let this _________ happen to my friend." but in my heart, I am so afraid that its just going to happen anyway...and lately...it has. So, is my lack of faith getting in the way, or am I just not really seeing what God is doing? I understand in my head, that God's will is perfect and that there is a reason for everything...even the bad. I just can't seem to make my heart catch up to that reasoning.
So here I am...I still love Jesus. I still know that God can do anything...I just don't always know if He will. I am still a follower, but a broken and confused one. Perhaps I think too much about it. The children at church trust Jesus completely for their every need, their every boo-boo. They have child-like faith. When in my walk, did I lose the innocence of a child and become a jaded adult?
Lord, Help me find the faith of my youth. I still love you God, despite my confusion. Restore my faith in You Jesus. Help me to remember why I fell in love with You in the first place. You are worth the struggle to come to terms with this. Thank you for using Peter and his walk to teach me. Thank you for giving me hope that despite where I am at now, You still have a plan for my life.