Today started with me actually getting my quiet time done in the morning...not first thing, but close. Last night was a hard night for me spiritually as I feel I am struggling with a lot of questions and am not sure how to keep moving forward in my faith. It seems that in the last 2 weeks God has brought all this to the forefront forcing me to to address and deal with it. I feel like there is progress, just no definite "Ah ha!" moments.
Summer and the kids came over in the morning. It was nice for all of us. I realize we hadn't had a play date with anyone in awhile and it was a good chance to use Summer as a sounding board for some of my deeper thoughts. Noah really enjoyed playing with the girls and having kiddos around his age to interact with. I'm pretty sure he has a crush on Isabell. :-)
After they left, I put Noah down for his nap, and finished my book. Although this book was fictional, it addressed a lot of the issues that I am currently facing. So, afterwards I was emotional and crying...a good time to spend time with the Lord...so that's what I did. I just confessed to God all the areas that I thought were holding me back...and just sat there soaking in the quiet. I then picked up Power Healing...a book I am getting ready to read with a friend. I started reading it and was blown away by the impact it was having on me. It is written by the pastor who started the Vineyard Church. His writing was so powerful because in his stories he had the same questions and feelings that I have been having. I want to see people healed of stuff. He prayed for 10 months unsuccessfully for people...finally when he gave up and became broken about it...God was able to use him. I kind of feel as though that's where I am at. I am in the process of learning to submit to God. My pride gets in the way of allowing God to do whatever he wants to do. The more I read, the more I feel I am gaining some understanding of my situation and the character of God. As much as I wish this were a quick fix...I have a feeling its going to be more of a journey in rediscovering God and learning more about his character and his love for people. Perhaps along the way, my questions will be answered and I can experience God in a really incredible way.
Moving along....When Dave and Noah woke up from their naps, we all headed to the park and played for awhile. It was such a beautiful day. We all had a blast just being outdoors and getting some fresh air.
Now, I am gearing up for our lifegroup party tonight. I am super excited to party with our friends. It should be a lot of fun.