Saturday, May 17, 2008

Cool as a cucumber vs. Losing ones cool

You may ask, what had me crying at the end of the wedding today? It could have been the lovely couple...and they were indeed lovely and clearly in love. In fact, my eyes did well up a little as I watched the groom stare at his new bride with overwhelming joy. It could have been me missing Dave who was at work during the lovely ceremony. However, it was more the fact that I had (stupidly) taken two children to the wedding by myself. Fortunately, I am a part of a great community where the saying, "it takes a village..." correctly describes our church body. I have great friends. They all came around and helped with one kid or the other: carrying, playing with, watching, corralling.

To give Noah credit. He did fairly well for the majority of the day. The wedding fell right during nap time. I made him take a short nap this morning to try and help with that. He only cried out once during the actual wedding, but when presented with raisens, managed to pull it together for the duration. Callie, thankfully, slept through the whole wedding.

At the end, they were giving out bubbles. Noah opened his and proceeded to shake the contents of the bottle all over himself and then lamented that he had no bubbles. Sorry pal.

At the reception, William and crew all watched Noah while I nursed Callie. Ben jumped in there too for awhile and almost had Noah asleep. It was too cute for words looking in at Ben (one of our fav college students who is great with kids and has a soft spot for Noah) standing in the back of the reception hall rocking Noah and rubbing his back. Unfortunately, Noah saw me and thus ended my reprieve.

We were doing OK, but as we waiting the almost 2 hours for food, Noah's patience started ebbing. Mine hung in there for a little longer, but then followed suit. When the waiter asked me to keep him away from the trays, I finally had to force him to sit down. He was so tired, he was beside himself and threw a huge fit...all of it while I am holding him. I managed to keep the patience for a little while longer while holding a thrashing 2 year old. And was like the tiniest poke in the back to send you careening over the edge. I lost it. I took him out and put him in time out for fear of my hurting him if he remained in my reach any longer. After time out, he still couldn't pull it together. I even tried laying him down in the corner, but since I didn't have his sleeping vices (frog and blankie) that he was begging for, that ended badly. Finally, my pastor (who also has 2 kids and one on the way) offered to take him so that I could eat my meal. I laid my head and my hands to well off the tears that I could feel looming. "How did I get to this point?!" I wondered. Feeling embarrassed for having lost my cool, especially in front of my friends, I silently swallowed my food. Thankfully, most were parents and they each tossed out some form of encouragement. However, after last weeks sermon on the Proverbs 31 woman and my reaction to that (a strong sense of not cutting it...despite my pastor's adament protests afterwards as I cried in the hallway) I left today feeling dejected. How do you get to the point where you lose your cool? To be honest, patience is and has never been high on my virtues list. Recently though I have acknowledged this and have really been praying for help in that area...and have seen a difference. Perhaps it's the nature of the week: Thursday was no picnic at the doctor's office, PMS kicked in and I feel as though I haven't stopped moving the last few weeks. Whatever the case...I lost my cool this afternoon, and am not proud of it.

Here's the icing on the cake: Noah slept 15 minutes on the way home...and has since refused to take a nap after an hour of my trying to lay him down. He's now walking around, wearing my shoes (much to Dave's dismay) and playing race cars. At least one of us is now happy.

Next time when my mother-in-law offers to watch Noah while I am at a wedding I am going to remember this day and say, "YES please!".


Ruthie said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry it ended up being a rough time at the wedding! And as far as the Proverbs 31 woman thing... don't get down on yourself. Your heart is in the right place and I can tell from reading all your blogs that God is and already has been shaping you into that woman.

Kelsey said...

I totally agree that you are a woman of character. I have benefitted so much from watching you be real with your family and love and care for them. I've thanked God that I've had this chance to view your example before I become a wife and mother myself. My mom used to say about my brother, simply, "He's two," and I'm sure she said it about me when I was there.

Tell Noah thanks for the cute card, by the way! It made me smile!

Ann said...

Two two and under is just hard. You are human, and you're going to have moments like that--we all have. That doesn't mean you're not a P31 woman--it means you're real. God cares more about your heart and intentions than how things look to the outside world. That was a situation that would have pushed ANY mom to the edge (or over). I honestly have no recollection of the first six months with Harmony...and only brief clips of the next six months--and I had lots of help (ie: daycare for Henry). It does get better! (((Hugs)))

Ann said...

And yes, say yes to offered help! I had a bunch of people who said "call if you need anything", so when Patrick was out of town, I'd call them and ask them to sit with Harmony while I put Henry to bed. While I felt like I "should" be able to handle everything, I couldn't, and everyone was much happier...the friend for getting the help, me for having a more peaceful evening, and the kids for having a fair chance at a tuck in routine :)

Laura said...

you are truly a mama that seeks to follow God....and not even losing your patience and cool removes you from the prov31 women list ;)
keep shining!!! and remember:
WE R SUPERMOMS because of Jesus!