Monday, August 6, 2007

A whine and then deep thoughts

Gee, coming back from vacation is not as much fun as I thought it would be. I apparently don't sleep as well here as I did on vacation. I slept like a baby while there (I haven't slept well at home in months) Part of it was the late night phone call, the other was dealing with the ramifications of that. I just stay up thinking about other people's problems...I MUST learn to separate and "let go". The phone has been ringing off the hook today. We've already fielded 3 homeowner's calls and a house visit. I then went over and scrubbed vulgar graffiti off the children's play equipment at the park. Our schedule has filled up already for the rest of this week. How on earth did THAT happen? Most of it is fun stuff, but after awhile I start to feel the obligation set in (not yet of course, but it did happen before vacation).

I had a really nice chat and prayer time with my friend Melinda. We talked about finding balance (that elusive goal) and loving other's well. I realized that apart from God I can do none of these things. And although I am a Christian and have been following God intellectually (reading theology and scripture) I seem to be lacking the very essence of what first drew me to Him. I wanted the intimacy and the relationship back in my walk. Even though I thought I was doing what God "wanted", I realized that I wasn't always asking and I wasn't fully seeking Him. On vacation, I remember one night I just prayed, "Lord, I miss you". It was then that it hit me where I was truly at. I have been walking around sometimes angry or bitter, trying to "help" people and I realized...I was not dwelling in the spirit. It was a hard realization.

Melinda and I spent a long time today processing this and praying. I feel loads better, but I realize that I need to repattern my thoughts and my life. It would be very easy to be bogged down by the reality of life...but I HAVE to trust in God to carry me through. And if I stop long enough to (really) cast my burdens on Him, then maybe, just maybe I can finally get a good night's rest at home.

On a lighter note, Dave came home from work today with flowers and a little spending money in a sweet card for me. Awwwww! He's a great husband! He apparently got paid vacation from Thorntown...we had no idea! It was a nice surprise (for both of us)

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