It finally happened...the weeks of me avoiding Jesus and asserting that I can do it on my own and trying to parent, lead a lifegroup, lead prayer, be a wife, be a friend, maintain a house, and keep my sanity all lead to this moment, today, where I finally admitted...no, I can't.
It wasn't intentional. I love Jesus, I just wasn't doing such a hotshot job of showing Him or giving my trust over. For some reason, I still think that I know better than the God of the universe what's best for me and mine. But, as my house was falling apart, I was screaming at my son, and had to go into my room to give myself a time-out, I realized that I am not God and that I DESPERATELY need His help to be a better parent, wife, and well, person.
So, I sat down, pulled out my prayer journal (with the last entry dated...back in February...) and started writing. Incidentally, in my last entry, I had prayed for a friend of mine to experience healing for two miscarriages. I prayed that God would either allow her to get pregnant or to remove that desire (which were also her prayers). I chuckle when that was the first thing I saw. She is now well on her way with a healthy pregnancy...thanks God for so quickly showing me that you do answer prayer.
After that short amount of time praying through ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication), my equilibrium is restored, I have found my center, I no longer feel like I am going to run screaming out of the house if my son misbehaves yet again. They don't call Jesus the miracle worker for nothing.
So, in closing, let me be the poster child for seeking Jesus. Jesus Saves (marriages, children, houses, equilibrium). He's that good. Really, you should give Him a try.