Heaven help me...please. I am being such an Israelite. I realized as I was whinyi...ahem...I mean talking to my mother-in-law today that I am very complainy lately.
We are tight this month because there is a gap between Dave's last paycheck from the AEC and the first from Purdue. It's fine...we've been budgeting and tightening the purse strings to brace for it. Yet, we've had some hiccups along the way.
Through some interesting circumstances, we had to pay off the remainder of Callie's arm bill in one lump sum. Gulp. Yet, God was faithful and there was almost the exact amount of money extra in Dave's last check from the AEC. Phew...thanks God.
Our oven broke last night. It was going to cost about $200 to fix. Ugh. I was depressed all day about it...not to mention it was not going to get fixed until Friday. I truly believe that God gave Dave the inspiration and the ability. He began looking at it, called some people, found the part, and fixed it all today. (The actual fixing of the igniter switch took all of ten minutes...with Noah's help) The cost was far less than the original estimate. Thank you Jesus.
In the midst of my funk and while I was vacuuming and whining to God about this not being the right time (as if there is ever a RIGHT time for your oven to go out), I realized, I am being an Israelite. I was so busy whining that I wasn't seeing God's provision that was right in front of me.
Instead of being thankful for what God has already done, I've been whining about wanting more. I'm ashamed to even admit to some of my whiny thoughts lately. Ugh. I realized how poor my attitude has been. It's as if the manna is sitting right in front of me, but I'm too busy whining that it's not a steak to even realize the miracle that it really is and to be thankful for all the things that God has given me. Freedom from my sins, an amazing family, a great church body, good friendships, a great house to live in, two vehicles to drive. We are richly blessed.
I have a feeling this time period for us is intended to make us more reliant on God and to trust Him with our finances. As much as I would love to say that I have submitted to this graciously, I feel instead I have been kicking and screaming. I know how much I don't like it when my kids do it, and I'm sure it's equally (if not more) repugnant for a grown woman to have a temper tantrum about not getting her way. I'm so glad God is merciful and gracious when He deals with us.
Lord, forgive me for my poor attitude and for not seeing your mercies and provision for what they are. Please change my heart and teach me to be content in you. Thank you for loving us even when we act ridiculous.